Well, a permanent writers’ strike may not be a bad thing, after all -the case of my Star Wars sequels
Let me share one big secret of my life: I seriously dislike the Star Wars sequel trilogies. The writing is horrible, the characters are horrible, and the legacy characters of Leila, Like and Han got seriously shafted. Even Mark Hamill, who ordinarily would not say bad things about anything could not refrain from critiquing the way they handled Luke, and how they missed out on having all of them together again. Not to mention the whole thing was just a jumbled mess without any plans whatsoever, so this is how we got “somehow Palpatine returned“. Effectively negating any and all previous sacrifice by Vader, Luke and everyone else. Just like the whole killing of John Connor kind of made every movie before absolutely unnecessary. And don’t get me start on poor Indy. (Come to think of it, maybe they have something against Ford…)
There is a good reason why most everything coming out of Hollywood sucks (apart from a few gems here and there), but I am reluctant to get into this as this is a highly political, highly emotional topic. Fortunately for me, South Park already had done this.
Even though it sounds quite inflammatory, the episode actually provides quite a balanced view on this issue.
But back to Star Wars and the writers.
So the writing was bad.
Really, really bad.
Undeniably bad. So bad, in fact, that now even those so-called critics, who were fawning over it originally (to keep their access presumably) now are kind of admitting that they sucked.
What I did, out of curiosity, is to tell ChatGPT to draft me a sequel trilogy with everything excluded that was in the actual movies.
And this is the result: I present you Fossilyellifish’s Star Wars sequel saga
Episode VII: The Resurgence of Darkness Decades after the Galactic Civil War, the galaxy enjoys a fragile peace, but that peace is shattered as a resurgent Sith Order, led by the mysterious Darth Vaelus, emerges from the shadows. Han and Leia Solo, along with their children, have become prominent figures in the New Republic. Luke Skywalker, now a wise and reclusive Jedi Master, senses the rising darkness and takes it upon himself to train a new generation of Jedi.
The film follows the struggles of Han and Leia’s children, who find themselves thrust into a conflict they never asked for. Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin Solo must navigate their family’s legacy while confronting the resurgent Sith and their enigmatic leader. “The Resurgence of Darkness” explores themes of legacy, familial bonds, and the enduring struggle between the light and dark sides of the Force.
Episode VIII: Shadows of Fate In “Shadows of Fate,” the conflict intensifies, and our heroes, both old and new, face personal challenges and inner demons. The Sith’s power and influence grow, pushing the galaxy to the brink of despair. Jacen Solo, in particular, is tempted by the dark side, and Luke Skywalker is haunted by the failures of the past.
The film delves into the history of the Jedi Order and the Force itself, uncovering hidden truths that could change the course of the conflict. Han Solo, Leia, and Luke must unite once more, and the next generation of Jedi is put to the test as they confront their own destinies. The characters’ internal struggles are just as important as the external battles, as they confront the darkness within themselves.
Episode IX: The Balance Restored In the epic conclusion of the trilogy, “The Balance Restored,” the final battle between the forces of light and darkness takes place. Jacen Solo, having fully embraced his role as a Jedi, confronts Darth Vaelus in a final duel of destinies. Luke, Han, and Leia play essential roles in the climactic showdown, drawing on their decades of experience.
The film explores the true nature of the Force and its power to bring balance to the galaxy. Old alliances are rekindled, sacrifices are made, and redemption is sought, as the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. The trilogy aims to provide closure to the overarching Star Wars saga, showcasing the enduring legacy of the original characters while introducing a new generation to carry the torch forward.
“Star Wars: Legacy of the Force” weaves together new and old characters, paying homage to the iconic figures from the original trilogy while introducing fresh perspectives and challenges. It offers a blend of action, adventure, and deep exploration of the Star Wars universe’s themes and mysteries.
The AI made a better draft of a script than a bunch of highly paid writers in Hollywood.
It is coherent, it has both new and old characters, it has overarching themes to explore, and more importantly, it has a plot… I mean throw a couple of thousand dollars at it, and have some actual writers spend a week with it to fill out the hazy parts, and you have three movies’ worth of material. Heck, maybe if I spent more than the 2 minutes it took me to get ChatGPT to write it, I could polish it up with the help of my new favorite buddy, the AI.
Astonishing. Not only how apt the AI is to write a generic script (which is what frankly most entertainment -books, movies, comics, whatever- gets anyhow), but also how incompetent writers seem to be lately in Hollywood and “mainstream” entertainment. Perhaps they really should go on striking forever, and pick up flipping burgers instead instead of flopping movies.
fossiljellyfish 