Ants are assholes.
I came to this revelation last week. Lying on the beach, listening to the waves, being one with Nature and all, suddenly I feel a burning pain on my belly. An ant crawled up all the way, and then decided to bit me.
I tried to imagine what went on in her tiny little mind, and I just cannot see any scenario where the bit was NOT an act of some douchebaggery.
I can’t imagine she was trying to take me home for dinner. I mean I know ants are not geniuses and all, but I don’t think even a small brained creature like an ant could reasonably expect to take down a pray my size, and drag it back into her colony to be the celebrated hunter of her generation. So that’s out.
I cannot see her crawling all the way up, then suddenly realizing she is on some gigantic animal, getting frightened and biting in panic. It’s quite clear what you’re climbing on for the first footstep. So that’s out, too.
All that remains is that this ant for whatever reason decided to climb on my belly, and celebrate her achievement with a bite.
Hence: ants are assholes.