Idiocy and the news

So there’s this utter and complete nob who decides he’s gonna be swallowed by an anaconda alive.

The whole idea is preposterous. It’s not even that it’s not safe. He could have equally decided to tie three Great Whites together, and have them pull his water skis; THAT would have been absurd, but actually doable. (I mean the tying the sharks together part. I would not bet on him surviving three upset sharks.) But no. This moron decides he’s gonna design a snake-proof suit, and get swallowed by the largest snake he could find.

This whole idea is so bizarre and absolutely going against any common sense, it’s actually mind-boggling. Again: we’re not talking about an idiotic dare-devil who will risk his life doing stupid sh”t. We’re talking about an idiot who is trying something that even a five year old would realize after a minute that is absolutely not doable. So far so good; lots of people have terrible ideas, and fortunately not many gets to carry them out. (Stalin and Hitler are two sad exceptions.)

But. This self-proclaimed “expert”, this troglodyte, was actually given a chance by the Discovery Channel to attempt this stupid stunt. (This, and the recent alien invasion on History Channel, tell you a lot about how low the American documentary channels have fallen.) After all, what could go wrong?

Well, let’s see. First of all, guess what. Snakes -however large they might be- usually don’t prey on humans. Because you are too damned big. A pig, or a child, perhaps. A full grown male? No. Way. (Actually, this gave me an idea. He could have used a child in that suit of his. That would have gone down well… in every possible meaning of this word.) Second: have you seen a snake strangle its prey before? It really does not care where the limbs are. You can design a suit that can resist the contraction, but your limbs are still attached to your body with a single joint. This means they can be twisted/torn in unnatural angles by the coils of the snake. And they WILL BE. Because the snake really does not give a sh£t how many of the legs of its prays are broken. Third: OK, you got in somehow. OK, you won’t suffocate due to lack of oxygen, and survive the gastric juices; after all, you spent a LOT of money on this idiotic suit of yours. Now, how the f”ck are you gonna get out? The snake might be able to open its mouth wide enough to swallow your stupid, fat head, but it’s cloaca is certainly not designed to deal with an adult human. Even a brainless one. The teeth are pointing inwards, so that’s not a possible way out. We’re talking about a live being here; are you prepared to sacrifice a snake just for an idiotic stunt? How that does go down with the whole nature preservation theme of Discovery? What’s next? Vivisection of dolphins on live TV to draw attention to the collapsing fisheries? Perhaps watch him to attempt vasectomy on himself using a survivor knife and a mirror to spark a discussion about overpopulation? (I’d actually watch that, though.)

So yeah. Nobody who actually thought this through would have attempted this. If anyone with a little bit of common sense saw this proposal, he or she would have shut it down even before this got off the drawing board, and send this idiot packing. And what happened? (Aside from this whole endeavor failing at the first five minutes?) Well, what happened is pretty interesting to see.

Because Discovery gave this “naturalist” backing, they also lent him an aura of respectability, instead of fire his ass. After all, it’s Discovery, right? They must know what they’re talking about, right? So this, in turn allowed other media outlets to depict this whole study of poor judgement as something that actually has some merit. Instead of just laughing it off, as something that came out of the fog of a debased mind, they picked the story up, and presented it as a serious attempt by serious people (“scientists”) -the same way they would have presented Hillary’s attempt on Mount Everest. And here’s the thing: they are not equivalent. One is a dangerous feat of going where no man has gone before (possibly), for admittedly nothing more just to go there, while the other is a half-cooked idea by a desperately exhibitionist deranged mind. And yet supposedly serious people at several supposedly serious media outlets presented this as something that was worthy of watching.

Is this who we are? Nobody, at any time, said on the editorial board of the New York Times, CNN, Guardian that “Hold on a minute! This is f£cking stupid”? Not one reporter started to laugh uncontrollably? No… They just took the story up, because it got reported by other respectable sources. And this is how an idea that would have baffled even Beavis and Butthead, snowballed into something that was worth our attention as a heroic attempt… attempt for what, exactly?

Incredible. The intellectual giants who are supposed to report on news, who are supposed to be shaping the public opinion, who are ridiculously overpaid to do what they do, are either incredibly stupid themselves, or are so ready to compromise their own integrity (in this case their intelligence), that they are willing to air anything without any critique. They are willing to give it credence to anything, even when an imbecile comes up with one of the stupidest ideas of the 21st century. (And don’t forget folks, this includes the Iraq invasion, so it is saying something.) What does this tell you about the state of our civilization?

I think we are doomed.


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